Talent...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

That is the link to Susan Boyle, a Britain's got Talent 2009 Discovery. Rather nice.

Here's another one- George Sampson- Street dancer

Bloody brilliant! 

Here is Connie Talbot- a 6 year old...puts us to shame!

Tiger Tiger... no longer bright...

We lost our cat, Bolai, yesterday (15th April, 2009). It was surreal... the way everything went. I want to share what I felt at that moment, and through the day with my readers, but there is something stopping me from going through that pain again. For the first time, I am making the world privy to a written communication between my lover and me.

"A bereavement... painful, yet definite.. so strange.. every time I witness a death, it is as if all the realities of life seem like a pack of lies... I was so helpless, seeing him collapse on the floor like that... it pained me within. It tore me apart as the inevitable took me over.. even before it was over, i went out to tell mom, for i knew his soul had left... isn't it strange.. my eyes are welling up as i write this... 

I came back home with mom, with his body in the green basket specially bought for his trips to the vet, wrapped in the towel which we keep for him... his collar loose, in my hand, the bell tinkling away.. when i put his body into the basket, the body gave a gasp.. I looked up at the vet, and, well, as if it would have been anything else, he nodded the negative.. he was gone...

I put his basket in the landing, and I came in, washed my face, and went off looking for salt and bleach.. he needed to be buried... and there was no one.. I came back with the provisions, and got down to business.

The narrow plant-hedge against the boundary wall along the driveway- in front of his favourite window seemed like the best place... I took a shovel, and dug hard, and as deep as I could...kept on digging till I hit brick. I wrapped his body in a white cloth, and laid it to rest. It looked so peaceful....so far away from those needles and pipes... I did not let mum see his dead body... she would have broken down even more."

That morning was strange. The puppies were rather well-behaved. Bolai had been behaving in an extremely unlikely manner. He was defecating while sitting in one place, a sign that either he is extremely weak, or that he had given up. Weak he was not, for he was not allowing us to keep him on our laps or hold him tight. His stomach was tight- indigestion, I thought, and gave him some digestive syrup to cool it down, and it worked. For the first time in two days he drank some water. We thought it was a good sign.. two more days and four more shots each day.. he would be fine... he would hate us by the end of it, but he would be fine.... God knows that congestion in the chest can be bad... coupled with constipation... yes, he was a good Bengali Cat.

We went to the vet, and I seated mum in the waiting room, and took him in myself... the shots were administered, and an enema needed to be given. This was when it happened. We were holding him in place...

He started choking, fell off the table in struggle,  and went into shock, which induced a cardiac arrest. I loved him.. we all loved him... I buried his collar with him.... I can never hear the bell ring without being reminded of him. His best friend, Toffee, is still looking askance at his disappearance.

My afternoon's toil is right opposite his favourite window. He loved sitting there, watching the trees' branches sway in the breeze... or little sparrows swooping down.

Little heart, I don't know where you are, and I don't know why you left us, but know this- we love you, and shall remember you forever...  you will never have to feel closed within four walls again, or the harsh coldness of a doctor's table, or even the needles which were larger than your shanks... but wherever you are, you shall always be loved and longed for.

Never again shall we feel your soft ears, or stroke your beautiful eyes.... mummy's scars from your scratches will heal, but you have broken her heart. At this cost, I hope you got freedom from all worldly ties. May you not have to come back with one of your nine lives- and if you do, come back to us...

Rest in Peace, little one....

commitment

How difficult is it to make a relationship survive? How much should you give before you decide enough is enough? Do you really become happy by sacrificing your self-respect, your self-worth? How much can you give love, especially if love is not giving back to you?

Lots of questions rose to the surface yesterday- throughout the day I was kind of troubled with these questions, thinking in relation to a friend of mine.

The way I see it, as the cliche goes, all relationships are compromises- or is it? Till date, I have never had to compromise on my life in my relationship. If anything, it has enhanced, and enriched it. It is not as if my life was empty before it, but now it has a greater meaning to it... to the extent where my other half has truly become my better half... where our lives have mingled in such a way, that in certain ways, our individual identities have merged into one. 

It might be difficult to understand for those who get into relationships after a lot of deliberation. There is a lot of calculation behind such deliberation- and not bad ones, at that! After all, if one has to spend one's life with someone, one needs to make sure that his eggs are in an ironcast basket. In my case, my instincts told me that they were, but, as it turned out, it was more in a hypersecure underground vault which only the goblin bankers have access to.

How does one partner tell the other what he expects from him? How much of it should come naturally? I was and still am a good friend to many, and for a long time, treated my partner as a friend, who was more special than the rest, but a friend. I thought just acknowledging him as my partner was good enough... along with a good dose of fidelity, and ever increasing love. It was various events around me which made me realise that while I was busy being a pillar for other people to lean on, the only pillar I leaned on was and is my partner. He was not just being a friend, but he had become my best friend. 

My lover is my best friend... I have no secrets from him, and do not have any qualms about sharing anything with him. We have our fights, we have our making up. However, one thing has changed- I no longer treat him as just a special friend... he is way more, and I not only acknowledge it, but also show him that- through love, respect and understanding... and letting him know that, truly, my life would never be complete without him... and possibly lose its sanity and its meaning. 

Sometimes, it is important to be a little openly appreciative. Often we expect our partners to be privy to our minds- but for God's sake! Clairvoyance is a limited activity, and should NOT be expected constantly.  Yet, seldom do we ourselves try and read our partners' minds. Till we start at least trying, we are not giving our relationship the importance that is due.

Commitment in relationships go beyond staying together, way beyond sharing a home, costs, emotions. It goes into sharing mental space, emotional space and above all, bringing about a closeness, which no amount of distance and no number of outsiders can rid you of. It is not something that rids you of your identity as an individual, but enhances it to the level where you can be a couple as well as an individual.. where you can support dual identities... similar in approach, but different in goals... an amalgamation of two people with different attributes, but where, after a point of time, one individual's attribute is often part of the identity of the other.

Not everyone is created to be committed. Some people lack commitment in all spheres of their life, and most importantly to themselves. Yet, while some are not willing to give, we all want someone to lean on, someone to hug and someone to share our joys and sorrows with. Have we just decided to be selfish on the face of it, till we know for a fact that our emotional investment is going to fetch returns? Do we delay too much before? For some, perhaps, for others they are building blocks...