Get outta my bed already!

All right, before anyone goes into anything Freudian, let me send out a caveat- I KNOW! So, while Caio was around, there were times when I felt that it was time I carved out some autonomy in my parental home (where I stay).
For those who have not been across, the room I stay in has a door leading into it from a stairwell- which, unfortunately, is used by my father as his main course of thoroughfare to the upstairs hall where he has his shrine.
Naturally, there have been various accidents where he has walked in on my ex and me making out, (after which he very kindly decided to yell up the stairs to announce his arrival).
When Caio came to stay with me last month, he was, to say the least, a little shocked. To have my dad walking in and out of my room (and my sister, and the maid) was, to say the least, annoying- especially in the afterglow of 'things'.
However, the month passed by- not without certain strains regarding umbilical cords and personal autonomy- and Caio left- not without making me see things in a slightly different way. That too, it wasn't what he said, but how I viewed things - from being single to being a couple (again) after having a degree of independence where I used to lock my room and refuse anyone from barging in.
The other night, I realised how much my personal emotional autonomy is mortaged with my parents- part of it is because I live in their house. Part of it is because I gave it up willingly. For instance, I have the emotional presence of a parent in bed with me at home- even if I am with someone! The best example (or the scariest) was when I had a dream that I was in bed with this really cute guy, and I was snoozing right after, you know, doing the dirty. I heard my dad's voice, and told the other guy, hey, put some clothes on- I think my dad is about to come into my room. So we both got out of bed- and instead of putting any clothes on, we embraced each other, with our eyes closed- with me facing the bed. When I opened my eyes, lo! there was my father sleeping on my bed!
Is it just my being afraid that yet again my dad shall walk in on Caio and I? Or does it go in deeper? Am I reading into something which might just be an imaging of my apprehensions? Or is it something rooted in my psyche with my soul screaming out for my own space? I guess only time will tell..or will you?

Heartbeat

Dear Heart,
How are you? Are you feeling bruised and battered? Or is it a case of old wounds being reopened? Or is it just your pride?
Whatever it is, you felt broken for a second time- hurt and seething in anger- you felt betrayed and stabbed and stomped. You became a victim of another person's guilt.
You knew this was inevitable but never wanted to believe that this could come to pass. Your faith in a person has been shaken- but what about the faith in yourself?
Reach out, my love, reach out towards love- for there is someone waiting to heal you- to love you- to fill your cracks and wounds with a salve more beautiful and soothing than anything else you have ever had.
Love yourself, heart- stop being a victim, and come out victorious! You have survived, and not stopped beating for a moment. You felt numbed with pain, but did not forget to smile. You felt sad for yourself, but happy for someone else.
You still have many miles to go, don't you? Not because you must, but because you shall.

I'm on the floor
counting one minute more
Noone to break the silence

Staring into the night
all alone but that's alright
It's the feeling deep inside I don't like

There is no excuse my friend
for breaking my heart
breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
Your breaking my heart again

Here in my bed
counting the words you've said
They linger in the shadows

Coming home late at night
drunk again but that's alright
It's the look in your eyes I don't like

There is no excuse my friend
for breaking my heart
breaking my heart again...(MLTR)

Love,
Your Soul
(image courtesy free-extras.com)