A short story..

Merry Christmas! Its been a very long time since I last posted something... but here is something that I wrote a while back...and there is a reason why I am posting this here, today..

" As I entered the classroom, I was filled with a kind of fear. Once again they had shuffled us around. I needed to find my footholds again. Not easy, considering the fact that I was in Class 10, and this was merely my second year in the school. I looked around, to see who looked the most amiable. My eyes lighted on someone. I don't know why, but I felt an immediate connection somewhere. Rakesh

We went onto become best friends. Rakesh had an extremely troubled home. His father was abusive, his mother constantly dazed, and he in a relationship, which seemed to be heading somewhere, but at that point of time, it was impossible to point out where. His girlfriend looked at him as the only outlet she had.

Gradually the years went by. It was time for us to finish with our schools. It was the day of the results. Rakesh and I went together to check our marks. He told me to check them for him- I was his lucky charm. Somewhere within me, I felt warm. I felt as if he had found the affection he needed from his home in me. I felt happy. I announced his scores. Not brilliant, but pretty good. I was extremely happy for him. He hugged me tightly. It felt wonderful to know that I had such a friend.

Rakesh's girlfriend, Sheena went off to Pune for further studies. They were still together, with Rakesh hoping they would even get married in the future. Rakesh decided to visit Sheena- at the same time, jeopardising his chance of getting into a fantastic college. They ate together, they slept together, they fought, they made up- everything that a normal relationship was built on. Rakesh came back- told me about all their petty arguments, and how much he missed her, and her little quirks which he loved.

One day, after his return, I emailed Sheena. Somehow I had sensed that things were just not right somewhere. I wrote to her, telling her how tough things had been for Rakesh over here, and how emotionally overwrought he had been. She wrote back, telling me that it was not working out, and that she planned to dump him on her next visit back home. She also told me not to tell him about this email.

I was shocked, to say the very least. I decided that I would do everything in my power to prepare Rakesh for the inevitable, and then show him the email. I had every confidence that this delay would be well-taken by him. Little did I know of what was to come.

I started telling him things which would, in my eyes, prepare him for the worst. I thought I had prepared him enough- then I told him about the email. He was taken back- to the extent that he went absolutely silent.

For a few nights after that, Rakesh came across to my home. In the night he would lie next to me and cry. I would hold him and comfort him, but to no avail. He became very withdrawn.

When she came down for her holidays, she called Rakesh over to her place for lunch- and broke the news. When he took it pretty decently she suspected that I had already told him about it. He denied any such thing. Inwardly, his worst nightmare was unfolding in front of his eyes. He was never the same again.

Gradually, time healed a few of Rakesh's wounds. He started going around with someone else- someone who perhaps was not the best news for him. We, too, went through a low, which was reconciled- in a way that I never thought would ever lead to anything ever coming between us again. Strange how we infer on such situations, when it is actually way beyond our control.

Yet, months later... in fact, years later... he decided to hold the suppression against me. I remember that night vividly, yet at the same time, I still can't fathom what triggered it off. Rakesh's behaviour had changed in a way- he had become more abrupt and edgy over the past month or so. I overlooked it, thinking it had everything to do with what was going on in his love life.

It was during the Durga Pujas. There were other friends around. All I remember are a lot of words being flung about, and I not being able to believe what it triggered off. Over the next few days, our common friends started taking sides, and I felt a void- the belittling of my love for him, the thrashing of my trust in him. I could not believe that this was the same person for whom I would have gladly given up my happiness to ensure his.

Its been around four years since that fateful day. Today, whenever we cross each other's paths, we look through each other, so much so that not even a cursory glance is exchanged. In spite of it, I still search within me for answers to the many questions that his sight triggers off within me. So much for the best friend I could have ever had. SO much for the affection I harboured within me for him, and will do forever."

Today, Rakesh waved at me.. a short, hesitant wave.... in the crowds at St. Paul's Cathedral. I gave a short wave back... without a smile...somehow, I felt so sad within, that I think it showed on my face. Then again, I remembered I need to be in the present, and that is when happiness flooded me. For the friends I was with, and I am with.