A few snippets

My birthday (Nov., 2013)

On the 2nd of November, in the evening, we had a gathering at a friend's place, where I got pretty sozzled - it was my birthday the next day, and my friends made sure I had a pretty memorable time.
The next day, I did not feel like getting out of bed - partly because I was tired from the previous night's shenanigans, and partly because Mummy wasn't there. She had always taken every step she could to make us feel really special on our birthdays - and without her, somehow the meaning seemed to have disappeared.

Daddy had always been awkward when it came to sentiments and emotions. I still recall a birthday where he did not wish me for the longest just because he did not have a gift to give me - according to him, mere wishing was nothing.

Yet, this was the one day he knew he had to make up for all those years of awkwardness. He noticed I was stirring, and he was still not able to speak, he wrote a little note for me. It was probably the nicest gift he had ever given me. He wished me a very happy birthday and showered me with blessings. I could not have asked for anything else.

Trippin' with Caio (2014-2015)

Caio and I went all over the place in the last year and the beginning of this year - we started with Hyderabad and Jaipur, then Kuala Lumpur, Malacca, Krabi and back to Bangkok, then Annecy, then Rome, Vienna, Prague and Istanbul. We even stayed for a month in Delhi!

Thanks for making my life so beautiful, Caio. I cannot tell you how much you mean to me.

A contrast

Over the new year's, Caio's mother and the two of us were in Budapest, along with my dear friend Steven and his partner, Shrey. We were on a tram, when a couple of tram controllers got a bit nasty, and landed up becoming abusive - to a point of being racist and homophobic. I seldom get as angry as I did that day - it was painful, to say the least, but at the same time, it put me in touch with the reality in Budapest, beyond my amazing bubble that I live in - despite the laws and the constitution and the ECHR.

In a few days, Caio, his mother and I traveled to Istanbul, and one day, at the Grand Bazaar, right after we had finished shopping at a particular store, and we were about to leave, the shopkeeper called me back and said, "My friend, the two of you make a very nice couple - I understood - you look very good together". This made my day - in a country with a great deal of repression from the government's end, this was the most beautiful thing that happened to me.

When I told Caio about this, he gave a gleeful smile, and then said, "and this made you really happy, no?" And suddenly, it struck me - it did. I come from a country where it is all right to be gay, but not practice anything gay. If I have to get partnered officially with my partner, I have to run from country to country looking for how much paperwork they require. I told Caio as much, and when telling him, I started crying - for it is only us who live in a world where we are handcuffed, who know how it is.

Mamma Mia

I have had three (including my present) wonderful partners till date. The first two relationships have made me into the person that I am today. While I was with them, I always took into account the fact that they are in the closet with their family, and that I would probably never be introduced to their family. I felt it incredibly important for them to know what it is like to be accepted in a family. THus, all of them have met my parents and my extended family, not as friends, but as my partners. Till date, I still consider my former partners to be a part of my family and hold them in great affection.

Caio's mother is the first parent of a partner who I met. We not only met, we stayed with each other, traveled with each other, gossiped about her son, shared complaints and compliments - and all through Portuguese!

That is when I realised how wonderful it is to have acceptance and love from your partner's parent. It is not about validation, it is not about social bonding - it is about family. I love having a family which is supportive - and finally, I think, I have landed up in a relationship where I can proudly say I have family on both sides.

Leaving somethings behind

It has been a while since I last wrote anything here. Ever since my mother passed away, so much happened that it became impossible to take a few minutes off for myself.

Most people around me already know of what had been going on, but here goes.

The period 2013-2014 was pretty weird, but not without its triumphs. There were a phenomenal number of deaths right after my mother’s demise in October, 2013. Overall, we lost about a dozen near and dear ones. After a point, if we got the news that someone had passed away, it was like, so, who’s next?

Dad also came down with a second bout of cancer. Most of you already know about how he had cancer of the larynx, for which he lost his voice, and currently has to use an artificial voice box internally installed. However,  despite the initial operation and radiation therapy, he could not start speaking. At first we all thought it was his obstinacy – he wanted a specific device to talk through – and after a point, I gave in, took him to Mumbai and it turned out that there was an obstruction, which stopped him from actually being able to speak.

It turned out to be another bout of cancer – but luckily, it had been diagnosed in the very first stage. For the first time since he was diagnosed initially, he was with a doctor (or a full bunch of them) who he actually trusted, and who did not want him to undergo any procedure in any hospital they were associated with. Within a few weeks we were in Delhi at the BLK hospital for the cyber-knife procedure. It was a five-day procedure, and in another week, Dad was able to talk. We were all overjoyed and incredibly relieved.

In all this, two people played an epic role in supporting me – my sister and my partner.  Dyuti and Caio were absolutely fantastic throughout everything. Beyond them, my cousins and friends were literally formed in a  circle around us – to protect us from everything. Putu, Neha, Boo, Pitush, Kutia, Sonel, Bunty, Hapu, Mummum, Vahista, Rahul, Shaheb, Animitra, Arnie, Abhik, Koeli, Sidharth, Meeta , my entire college gang and many, many others who I might be accidentally leaving out were fantastic. In case any of you ever read this – thanks for being our, and especially mine, rock. Words fail me, but I appreciate each and everyone of you and your presence in my life.

Thank you.